Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Can I Handle Not Being a Big Deal?

Can I really just admit and accept, "I'm not that big a deal -Jesus is a big deal?"  Or do I have to be a big deal, have to be the most desirable, have to be the best, have to be the hottest, the best in bed, the most knowledgeable, the most theological, the best at everything I do? 

These represent two utterly separate paths.  With one, I am content with being no bigger than an ant, because what matters is the greatness of Jesus, who died for my many sins and gave me life.  With the other, I am never content until I have beaten all the competition, won the glory and approval from everyone around me, and crowned myself with my own performance -being worthy, I imagine, of really being someone, really being loved, and practically being right to demand it because I am such a big deal.

What would life be like if I could accept being not-so-big-a-deal and really be at peace with just being me... mediocre at many things, good at some things, not so good at others, but still uniquely me with my own unique past and background, my own unique context for my life, my own strengths and weaknesses, and my own flaws, sins, and regrets, and my own specific callings in which God wants me to live and love and display Himself in my life?

I imagine it would be wonderful.

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