Saturday, August 04, 2012


Some of us live our lives to avoid rejection.  We dread it.  We live lives of unrest and torment and rumination and anxiety because we want to control all the outcomes to avoid it.  What can be said for rejection?  Here are some things God reminded me of this morning.

Rejection is unfortunately a part of this world.  It is a rejecting world.  It will happen sooner or later -in big or small ways.  Therefore, it is necessary that you learn to accept rejection as part of even your life.  Not everyone will like you, and not everyone will think you are "good enough" for what they want -it is not possible.  Even the Son of Man, the King of Kings, experienced rejection in this world, and He was and is perfect!  The sooner you accept rejection as part of life, rather than desperately trying to clamp down and control and avoid it, the better.

Like with many things in life, the more you try to control it the more you will be torturing yourself.  You will find yourself avoiding the pain and neurotically milling over things, comparing yourself to your "replacement" or anticipating how this person will feel when they find a replacement, and living in constant, anxious anticipation of it.  And all of it for nothing but to punish you.  All of it because of some illusion of control which keeps you imprisoned in your juices rather than grieving the loss and moving on.

Rejection hurts.  Of course it does.  It marks the end of a bond.  It marks a death, a real loss.  It marks the death of a relationship.  It marks the death of a position and status you familiarly held in someone's life -perhaps the position of being the other person's "one and only," the one they chose above all others.  It marks the death of dreams and the death of your vision for potential with another person.  It casts a monochromatic shadow over the past -things you enjoyed, times you shared.  It can make all your long efforts feel for naught -like the only reason you tried so hard for so long was because you hoped resolution and newness and goodness were just right around the corner waiting for you.  It can highlight your mistakes, making you feel foolish even for entering the relationship to begin with.

But rejection offers you an opportunity.  Though it hurts, though there is grief, it offers you the potential for newness.  It offers you a time to regroup, to soberly look at things you want to change in yourself and in your life.  It offers you a chance for something new.  After all, as painful as it is you cannot change how that other person thinks or feels, so why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you, who thinks they can find better (or maybe thinks they already have)?  Would that not be torture in itself?  You cannot find a better relationship while you hold onto the dead one.  Death must pass before there is resurrection.

There is a kind of death and resurrection in rejection, if we will let it, if we will let others have the freedom to reject us and leave us, and if we will let ourselves grieve through the death.

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