Sunday, September 22, 2013

Hating Others and Ourselves

We hate others because we hate ourselves.  We hate others because they have what we don't have, causing others (we believe) to want them and reject us, or we hate others because they have rejected us because of our flaws or struggles.  These situations stir up and remind us of the self-destructive disdain we have for ourselves for being imperfect, for not being able to stop rejection by being everything others want.

But if we did not hate ourselves, if we did not turn against ourselves like that, and if we stuck by our own side, refusing to take the side of the world against ourselves for being imperfect, then we may be hurt or angered by someone's rejection, but we would not hate them.  Their rejection of us, or their alleged possession of that one thing we wished we had that would prevent rejection for us, would no longer be a reminder of how much we loathe ourselves for being imperfect.

The world will not stop rejecting us.  It will not stop telling us that if we were more of this or more of that, more this way and not that way, then they would like us.  Then we would be worthy of love.  It will not stop setting standards and expectations of what it says we should be like in order to receive the status of beloved.  It will not stop selling that lie.  And it is a lie, for the moment you fall, and all of us will, it will turn on you faster than you can blink.

Still we do not have to reject and hate ourselves.  That is something we are doing to ourselves in response to the coldness of the world.  Sometimes the most difficult thing is to willingly and graciously occupy our own life.  We can find the freedom of not having to hate anyone, but it begins with us.  It begins with a declaration... a Declaration of Independence, if you will.  It begins with a rebellion.

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