Friday, September 13, 2013

One Thing

If there is one thing I have learned it is this:  Do not look to others to believe in you for you.  Do not depend on them to be for you what you will not be for yourself, first.  When you look to others to believe in you for you, in place of you, you lose yourself in them and enter into slavery.  Because you seek your foundation in someone else, you unwittingly take on the full-time job of always trying to please them, chase them, wait for them, pressure them, squeeze them, or argue with them about how they feel about you and what they think about you in the hopes of getting them to fulfill what you need.  Or maybe you go the other route and reject people, running to the next hope of finding what you need, over and over, squeezing the life out of people to be what you ought to be for yourself, first, and then throwing them away when you discover that they are human.  Such an occupation is futile and ultimately self-punishing.  It's like running on a treadmill, expecting to get somewhere.  The only place you will come to is exhaustion... and the perpetuation of the very rejection and loneliness you were desperate to avoid.

Everyone wants someone who believes in them, who cares for them and their feelings, who sees their potential.  That is normal.  But you must not put someone in this role in lieu of yourself.  It is your job to believe in yourself, to see and seize your potential, to be on your own side rather than abandoning yourself.  Only you, and your God, can and should fill that position first.  Then you will have the inner stability to find people who can add support and love and partnership to your life.  You will no longer be a tiny boat led around by the nose, to and fro in the midst of a storm, chasing after anything you hope will be a life boat.  You will recognize the people who really do love and believe in you (and who do not), and they will be the icing on the cake, rather than being made the cake itself.

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